The Voice of Inner Wisdom

Article written by: Dr. Petra Müller-Demary

The Voice of Inner Wisdom became clear during a conversation with a client who asked me, as we worked together for the first time: “What do you mean when you say that constellations help us gain a systemic perspective?”

She wanted to improve her relationship with her adult son. He was 30 years old and, whenever they met, the atmosphere was tense and they could easily fall into conflict. The mother was suffering because of this difficult relationship and came to me to explore what she could do about it.

When I work in one-to-one sessions, with the client alone rather than in a group setting, I first ask what their intention is for the coaching session. How will they recognise that working on this topic has truly been worthwhile? What would they like to be different afterwards?

My client was able to describe very clearly what a good relationship with her son would look like: open conversations, greater connection, and fewer conflicts. As a second step, we explored the relevant elements within the system. In this case, these were, of course, the client herself and her son. However, the son’s father was also part of the system. At first, my client was surprised because she had been divorced for many years and had not been in contact with her former husband for a long time. Yet a father remains a father and continues to belong to the system, even when we have not spoken to that person for many years.

When I work in an individual session, I use sheets of paper to represent the different elements. I first asked my client to find a place for herself and put down the sheet of paper representing her. She then positioned the paper representing her son. The two elements – the mother and the son – were placed opposite each other, approximately three metres apart, facing one another. I then asked her where she perceived the son’s father to be. She placed him directly in front of her son, between the two of them.

When she stepped aside and looked at the system, she said:

“Now I understand. I am always projecting the conflicts I had with my former husband onto my son. I was not aware of it.”

I asked her to step into her own position and look towards her son. She realised that she could not even see him because the father was standing between them.

“Yes, that is exactly how it is,” she said.

“And how would you like it to be?” I asked while she remained in the constellation.

“I would like to be able to see my son.”

When I work with an individual constellation, I use my hands to represent the other elements in the system. I therefore moved the father slightly to one side so that she could see her son, and I represented the son with my other hand.

I could see that my client was deeply moved as she looked at him.

“Now I can see you,” she said, crying.

As human beings, we have this remarkable capacity for representative perception. We are able to place ourselves in another person’s position. We use this capacity in constellation work, so I asked my client to step into her son’s position and look towards his mother – towards herself.

While she stood in her son’s place and represented him, I asked:

“How would you recognise that your mother truly sees you?”

Without any hesitation, she replied:

“She would listen to me without judging me.”

This was a beautiful piece of guidance she was able to give herself. It was both simple and true.

We all know that genuine human connection and open communication require us to listen without judgement. This is not always easy. Yet when guidance arises from the deep wisdom within us, we are often more able to hear it and act upon it.

Coaching and constellation work can help us hear and listen more closely to this inner voice of wisdom.

My client was able to follow the guidance she had given herself. When I met her again a few weeks later, she told me that her relationship with her son had improved. They still held different points of view, but they were now able to have open conversations and share a respectful and honest relationship.

What Is a Systemic Constellation?

Systemic constellations can help you view a situation in which you are personally involved from a meta-position. They can be used as an intervention when you feel stuck and want to take a closer look at what is happening. The process often brings forward surprising perspectives and insights.

A constellation is a way of representing the pattern of relationships within a system. These relationships may exist between family members, colleagues, friends, or even abstract elements from our inner world, such as a goal and an obstacle that prevents us from achieving it.

What Happens When You Take Part in Systemic Constellations?

The constellation method is an intuitive process in which we transform the inner image we hold of a problem into a spatial representation. The client may choose members of a group to represent the relevant elements, individuals, or functions and assign each of them a specific place in the room in relation to the other representatives.

It is also possible to work in an individual session, where the client sets up the system using pieces of paper or objects and then steps into the different positions, experiencing the underlying dynamics and gaining new perspectives.

What Do You Gain?

Systemic constellations offer you the opportunity to:

• Invite more joy and energy into your life;
• Resolve conflicts in your professional and personal environment;
• Make coherent decisions;
• Develop and implement personal visions and goals;
• Connect more deeply with your inner resources and strengths;
• Develop greater focus, clarity, and inner balance.

For readers who would like to explore the foundations of this approach in greater depth:

• Insa Sparrer and Matthias Varga von Kibéd – Systemic Structural Constellations:
https://www.syst.info/de/theory-systr
An overview of the theoretical foundations of Systemic Structural Constellations, developed by two internationally recognised figures in systemic work.